Making the Best of It

Well, I had my usual Friday menu post all ready for you, then decided to just go with the reality on the ground here at Casa Rosen.

This is what I had for lunch.

Yes, it was about as unappealing as it looks.  I bent over this morning to pick up a Converse (one of six shoes which a teenager-who-will-remain-nameless had left right in front of the door), and felt a sharp, crippling scrunching sensation in my back.  And I was stuck.  Just like that–bent over, reaching for that !@#$% shoe.  Luckily Lee hadn’t left for work yet, so when I had caught my breath and the room stopped spinning, I called for him to come help me get to the bed.  He’s been on kid-management/taxi duty ever since.  I’ve been immobilized.

Delaney very kindly made me a frozen “entree” for lunch–that’s what’s in the photo.  It wasn’t exactly gourmet deliciousness, but it served its purpose.  I’m no longer hungry.

While I was eating it, I was watching the sun trying to peek out from under the massive gray cloud cover we’ve had here for the last few days; we’ve had torrential rain, oddly cool temperatures (for mid-June), and a low, oppressive, dark sky.  The clouds are finally breaking up today, and the play of shadow and light on the tile of our bathroom floor (I can see it from my perch on the bed) has actually been entertaining.  I hate that I haven’t been outside today.  I’m very much an out-of-doors sort of person, and I feel a bit isolated here in the bedroom.

I was watching the light, alternately glaring and fading, and feeling frustrated that I was wasting a perfectly good day, after all the clouds this week, and I started wiggling around, trying to convince my back that it’s really just fine.  Then I realized that I really have no choice about this.  It’s not going to  suddenly go away because I want it to.  I made up my mind to just accept my day as it is, and focus on the dancing beams of light, rather than the scudding clouds.

Positives:

I’m now deeply engaged in a book I’ve been dying to read, The Little Stranger, by Sarah Waters.
I don’t have to take the children to the dentist.  Thanks for pitching in, dear.
Delaney made me lunch–it’s nice to see my kids learning to think about someone other than themselves.
I’m getting plenty of writing done.
I don’t rest often enough, and I’ve been wearing myself out the last couple of weeks, so a day off is good.
I’m not in the kitchen, being tempted by snacks all day.
I don’t have to go for a run today (admittedly, this could just as easily be a negative).

I’m not going to make a list of negatives, though,because that’s my point:  I’ve learned from experience that thinking about the downside of things makes me feel bad, so I’m going to think about the upside.  It’s not an easy lesson to make stick–on a day like today, I have to really dig to find the positives.

We have even been able, with the wisdom of hindsight, to see the upside of Lee’s heart attack and bypass eleven years ago.  If the initial event had been any less dramatic, less life-threatening, we wouldn’t have been motivated to make the drastic changes that we did.  If he’d just gotten a warning from the doctor, or even had angioplasty or a stent, we might not have taken it so seriously.  And our lives might not be as happy and healthy and full of promise as they are today.

This is going to sound strange, but we’re actually kind of glad things happened the way they did.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to take a little nap while my kids are getting their teeth cleaned.